Random feelings

I have been feeling slightly off.  I had a discussion with a friend that was told she would never have kids and she seems at peace with that.  I on the other hand have always felt in limbo.  Never being told to just stop and never feeling that I should, I keep trudging through this swamp land.  With my move I'm thrown in with people who don't know me or my story and it feels weird to even talk about it.  I'm also somewhat reserved and don't really feel like people need to know.  I also wonder why I'm not at peace.  I know part of it is not being able to make my own decisions about my body.  In my religion everyone has babies and not just 1 or 2 most have at minimum 4 if not closer to 6 so I feel like a minority and an outcast not that people make me feel that way.  I also no longer fit in the crowd that doesn't have any or just 1 so it feels weird .  I don't know if that makes sense but these are the thoughts that occupy me in this moment.

Olivia