I feel the twinges

As I read that my friend from college is pregnant again, as I go to my second baby shower in a month, both for girls that have never had a problem conceiving, and as I wonder if I will ever get the chance again I feel my body tell me of the failure that is about to occur.  I try having some desperate hope but I know it is coming.  I want to ugly cry because right now it hurts so bad and I can't.  My husband would think I was crazy, and heck I kinda think I'm crazy.  My boys don't need it either.  They need me to be strong, but I am sad because I lack any control over the situation and everyone else's dreams are coming true.  I know everyone struggles but unfortunately right now it is hard to see and I feel so alone.  I find myself scouring the web hoping for a magical cure but the reality is it will happen when it is meant to.  I feel really alone in this moment.

Olivia